Do I Get Back On?

I am off of metformin! Been off for 90 days and have had 3 cycles! This last one was a non medicated 32 day cycle!!

As a PCOS girl this is pretty amazing! DH and I are pretty excited and starting to talk about getting pregnant again.

But for the past month all I've been dong is thinking about babies. I keep dreaming that I am pregnant. Obviously, my subconscious is trying to work this whole thing out.

I know I am not going back to the RE until January. So if anything will try the old fashioned way. -- And we know how well that's worked for us in the past! \

I really torn on weather or not I am ready to jump back into the craziness of ttc. I've been pretty content having worked through some of my infertility baggage and know how crazy and heart breaking that infertility roller coaster can be.

UGH!

Dream Baby

Last night I had the most amazingly real dream. I walked into my kitchen and there was a nurse bottle feeding an infant.

“I’ll feed him.” I said

The nurse handed me the baby but held onto the bottle.

“You won’t need this” she said pointing to my swollen breasts.

I walked into the living room and sat on our couch and looked down at my baby. He was a tiny little peanut with Harry’s wide set eyes that are the color of my father’s eyes, ice blue. My baby had a full hear of dark thick hair, like his mommy’s hair. His little wrinkled face reminded me of my beloved nephew’s infant face. He was warm, he was real, and he was mine. As I suckled my baby to my breast I was thinking..

“But the HPT said not pregnant. A (my SIL) is never going to believe this one. How, when did this happen.”

Then I woke up

Dream baby are you just a dream or are you a heavenly promise of things to come?

Dream baby please be real…

Gave It All Away

Well it's official.

I gave all my meds away.

I turned them into my RE's office to be given to any couple that doesn't have insurance and needs meds.

It was hard... put that follistim has been sitting in my fridge for nearly a year and I just couldn't bare to look at it and I couldn't let those precious meds go to waste.

If my meds aren't going to get me pregnant they have to get someone pregnant.

I did talk with Harry before I dropped off the meds. He is cool with waiting until August. He seemed a little disappointed but he completely supports me. I wasn't afraid to tell him about my decision but more afraid that telling him would make it real. Harry is already thinking about what if IVF never works for us. I think he's ready to move onto Foster care/adoption. I am not so ready. My sweet Harry is so supportive of my desire and lovingly follows me in our reproductive choices. I love my guy.

My infertile friend has her first IUI scheduled for March. She's using my RE. I went to the office with her (that's when I dropped off my meds). I really love my RE staff. It was nice to see them and they are all so supportive. No pressure from them at all to cycle again. I am really happy for her and hope she'll have success with her first ART procedure, unlike so many of us. It's hard to be hopeful for her because I know the pain and disappointment that come with ART. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

I love you all and hope all my new mommies hold your babies extra close tonight and remember all of us still in ART hell, and all my pregnant ladies are happy and still grateful for their success, and to all my gals still waiting...it sucks.

That pretty much sums it all up!

THIS ONE CAME WITH BAND-AIDS!!!!!!

Mmmmmmm should I panic.... WELL TOO LATE!

I wasn't doing too bad until I saw the BAND-AIDS!

HOLY CRAP!

Well as you can see from my panic stricken expression my Menopur has arrived! WITH BAND-AIDS!!

That looks like enough drugs to fertilize a herd of buffalo!!

Deep breaths....

Remind me...why I am I doing this?????

I AM SO not going to feel any guilt when my child gets his/her inoculations! Not even a quiver!

P.S. The Menopur cost more than the rest of the drugs combined!

The Lupron Made Me Do It!

Well I was away this weekend for work. Let me say it was very difficult to stay sane and not snap people's heads off as was my primary inclination! I am lucky that, M, a fellow colleague (who is a very close friend -- the "why don't you adopt" friend) was along for the trip. [Now don't get me wrong. M is a very good friend. I love her dearly. She just fustrates me with her adoption line. I do give her credit she has been very supportive and hasn't brought up adoption lately.] She gave me my injections every night! Thank goodness!

Well here is a picture of my mass inventory of meds. Keep in mind I am still mission my Menopur and hCG shot. Get a load of the drugs!

I threw in my pre-natal and Metformin for good measure. Is it wrong that I am excited that my Follistim injection is an epi pen?

Ok not to scare the pants off anyone but...


GET A LOOK AT THIS HONKING NEEDLE!!! OUCH! I am sure they sent me this one by mistake! PLEASE BE A MISTAKE!

And you may notice the lovely knitted blanket as my back drop. That was knitted by my grandma :) I sleep with it every night and it helps me to feel her still with me and like she's a part of this whole process. I know she's watching me and working with the big guy upstairs to get me a baby!

AND I have to add this one! I got the idea from our Swedish friend!

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it.You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less.You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way.Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test

Well that's all for now! Hope you're all doing fabulous! I better sign out before I hit another mood swing and say something bitchy!

I Got My Drugs!!!

WOOO HOOOOO!!!! RE RN got my Menopur covered! YIPPEEE! Now I have all my drugs for my IVF cycle.

YIKES... that makes all this real....

Two Arms and Two Legs!

Well I've got most of my IVF meds! They arrived this morning! And let me say I am very, very, very, thankful I have insurance that covers IVF. Here's my list of drugs

Prometrium 200mg capsule
Follistim AQ 600IU Cartridge
Follistim AQ 900IU Cartridge
Leuprolide (Lupron) 14 day kit
Prednisone 20mg tablet
Doxycycline 100mg tablet

Pre-insurance that's a grand total of $3093.56 - HOLY SHIT!

I am still waiting on the Menopur and the hCG shot! I don't know how you ladies do this without insurance. God bless you!

It Has Begun

My injection protocol has begun! I've just received my first injection of Lupron. Yes it was comical and it went something like this...

Harry and I are in the bedroom. I've got all my tools laid out and have read the directions about 5 times and lectured Harry on proper protocol about 100 times. My syringe is poised and full of my wonder drug that will begin our first IVF cycle. Harry and I discuss the best place to inject. Thigh or tummy? I have to pinch and inch and find this quite difficult. Not because there aren't any inches to pinch but because I can't grab any fat!

Tummy wins...

Standing in the bedroom...syringe in hand...poised and ready for action.

1...2...3..

Me: "I CAN'T DO IT!"
Harry:"Come on Honey you can do it...ready...1...2...3.."

Me: "No, no I can't you have to do it."

Harry gets out of bed and walks over to my side...I contemplate giving him the needle...

Me:"No I'll do it."

I decide on the slow painful route and barely stick the needle in...then I PULL IT OUT!

Me:"OUCH! I CAN'T DO IT...You better do it"

I lay back on the bed and 1..2..3.. it's over! Harry has done it and it didn't hurt a bit...Quite like sex!

So, I've begun...Haven't turned into a hormonal lunatic yet but am going to bed for my evening cocktail of 500mg of Metformin and 400mg of Prometrium.

Exciting and terrifying at the same time!!

Wish me luck!