Monday, October 23, 2006

Mi Amiga en Infertilidad

The ironies of life are truly amazing.

I am not sure my relationship with Bella is ironic and I may be using the word incorrectly but the relationship is definitely divinely influenced.

I met Bella about 4 years ago. She is a beautiful woman and has become a very close friend. Bella is a funny girl. We laugh, cry, commiserate, and eat together! She's a good friend and we've shared many struggles! I was honored to have her wear my wedding veil in her ceremony and feel very close and blessed to have Bella in my live.

Of course her real name isn't Bella but I picked it to try and convey the internal and external beauty that encompasses her. She'd be the last one on earth to call herself beautiful. Like many women she struggles with a negative body image. Somehow she still manages to ooze love and joy out of her pores everytime I see her. She's the kind of woman that lights up a room, the kind that people are drawn to, and the type of friend you want to call when you feel down in the dumps. She's also very silly -- and sometimes you just have to shake your head!

She's overcome a lot. She's from a South American country and often forgets that English is her third language!

Bella and I share a heritage and a faith whichs makes us especially close. Although she doesn't put hard boiled eggs in her lasagna -- I still love her!

So, Bella has been with me from the beginning of my infertility journey. She's been one of those safe friends you can tell anything to. She doesn't say stupid things like: relax or just adopt. She listens and wants to know more but mostly she just says, "Yeah man that sucks."

I've taught her everything about IVF-- even drawing her pictures. -- She's soaked it all in learning and discovering because it affects me and she wants to know about my life.

We have so many things in common. We share a heritage, similar sense of humor, our husbands are English, love of make-up, both drama mammas (although she's much more dramatic), and now we share infertility.

Bella and Mr. Bella have begun discovering that they may be infertile.

Around January Bella started making plans for a baby. She went off of oral contraceptives and started to ask all sorts of questions of me - -her expert in fertility. I was happy to talk with her and I know deep in her heart she has always wanted me to be pregnant first.

At first Bella moaned about wanting to conceive a girl. "How can I .... " Was all she asked! She talked about different positions and Chinese birthing calendars all in the quest for a baby girl. I just looked on fondly with the scars of infertility and scratched my head.

"Bella, give it a few month and you won't care -- boy or girl-- you'll want a baby."

Months of trying and no baby brought Bella to the conclusion....

"Any baby -- just get me pregnant!"

Tests concluded Mr. and Mrs. Bella need IUI to make a baby.

I've seen her go through the tcc struggle and know Mr. Bella is struggling with the idea of needing ART to make a baby. It's sad to see this happening outside of yourself.

I've been able to tell Bella all that I can, unfortunately she's seen my struggle and can only see heart ache.

It's so difficult to see Bella go from fertility selective to fertility challenged. The change of this vivacious hope filled women to one of despair, hurt, and anger.

I remember speaking to her about my anger towards God. She couldn't understand...

Yesterday she told me she understands...

I joked with her yesterday about her wearing my veil-- "Hey maybe I cursed you."

Two of us. Drawn together. Is it a gift or a curse?

Which one of us is gifted and which of us is cursed?

I am not sure.


Tendaironi said...

You both are gifted with each other to walk together through these hardships. When I was all alone it was much harder to deal with the emotional issues of tcc with ART but then some of my friends starting having problems tcc. We were able to be there for one another. The journey to tcc is sooooo painful in many ways but I have also received many blessings along the way, a lot of hardships and obstacles but no curses.

Heather said...

I say you are both gifted. To have someone that understands - really understands. Even though you don't want her to go through it.

I think we all are like Bella. We are beautiful women and IF changes us. We change for the better and for the not-so-better.

Anonymous said...

Well, a good friendship is priceless. Just as well, since infertility is such a huge freaking price to pay. Send her my wishes, there are plenty for both of you.


Mary Ellen and Steve said...

I think that you are both blessed to have one another. You can truly empathize with what the other is going through. I hope that you both get off of this rollercoaster soon. Hugs.

Makariya said...

I think that both of you are gifted to have a friend in a real life, who understands this hard journey through infertility. It could be that fate brought you together so that you could help each other out. Both of you are blessed to have a real life friend who you could share this journey with. Good luck to both of you. I hope your journey is going to be a short one.

Angie said...

I am sorry to her about your friend. I think you're both gifted to have each other.

Just another Jenny said...

Everybody else said what I was going to - your both gifted for having each other. I'm glad you are in each other lives.

Anonymous said...

Neither one of you are cursed. I am glad you have each other.


soralis said...

It's so sad to hear that someone else is joining the IF community.

All the best to you and your friend.

GLouise said...

I am glad that you two are together, although this is a path that no one would ever choose to travel....

M said...

I believe sometimes we are brought together with people to help each other through difficult situations. I have a friend getting ready to do IVF. I have an AMAZING dr. in Nova if you ever think about switching drs.

UtRus said...

i agree. both gifted. to have a friend in each other like you do. nothing beats strong, honest friendships.

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