Sunday, February 25, 2007

And The Award Goes To...

I am sitting here watching the O*cars...

And I am thinking there should be some awards or something for those of us going through infertility.

Here are some categories I've thought of:

Most eggs retrieved

Most blood drawn in a cycle

Best Valium high from transfer

Most tears shed over a BFN

Most hopeful

Most likely to jump off a bridge

I mean kids get trophies for playing all sorts of sports and science fairs. If I can't walk away with a baby I'd like something other than a sore bumm, an overflowing sharps box, and a maxed out credit card to show for my efforts.

What categories can you think of to award one another? I am interested to hear!

Oh, yeah I changed the blog a bit. This is pretty much the extent of my remodeling abilities. I had to change the name-- much simpler.

I had to add this update award idea from Town Criers

Best performance for getting through someone else's pregnancy annoucement.

I have SO been there! Unfortunatley my deer infront of headlights reaction probably wouldn't win any awards!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Gave It All Away

Well it's official.

I gave all my meds away.

I turned them into my RE's office to be given to any couple that doesn't have insurance and needs meds.

It was hard... put that follistim has been sitting in my fridge for nearly a year and I just couldn't bare to look at it and I couldn't let those precious meds go to waste.

If my meds aren't going to get me pregnant they have to get someone pregnant.

I did talk with Harry before I dropped off the meds. He is cool with waiting until August. He seemed a little disappointed but he completely supports me. I wasn't afraid to tell him about my decision but more afraid that telling him would make it real. Harry is already thinking about what if IVF never works for us. I think he's ready to move onto Foster care/adoption. I am not so ready. My sweet Harry is so supportive of my desire and lovingly follows me in our reproductive choices. I love my guy.

My infertile friend has her first IUI scheduled for March. She's using my RE. I went to the office with her (that's when I dropped off my meds). I really love my RE staff. It was nice to see them and they are all so supportive. No pressure from them at all to cycle again. I am really happy for her and hope she'll have success with her first ART procedure, unlike so many of us. It's hard to be hopeful for her because I know the pain and disappointment that come with ART. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

I love you all and hope all my new mommies hold your babies extra close tonight and remember all of us still in ART hell, and all my pregnant ladies are happy and still grateful for their success, and to all my gals still sucks.

That pretty much sums it all up!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Secret Decision

I've made a secret decision.

I haven't discussed it with my husband yet.

Just my therapist.

Now I am going to confess to blogland...

I am not doing another fresh cycle until August.

I am not made of the same stuff some of you IVFers are. I can't jump from cycle to cycle -- disappoint met to disappointment. You're all so strong.

I know the odds say - more IVF cycles = greater chance of conception.

But I am still too broken.

For now I am concentrating on work and my health.

I am giving my meds to my clinic to give to a non-insured client. I can't look at them any longer.

I just have to find the courage to tell Harry. I don't know how he'll react.