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Sunday, October 28, 2007

IUI #3

Tomorrow is the day.

Our IUI is in the morning.

Surprisingly my body worked ahead of schedule! I usually don't make it this far for three more days!

Fingers crossed that this is the one!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Check List

Bottle of wine - drunk -- CHECK

Sushi eaten -- CHECK

Inhaling 2nd hand smoke and not freakin' out -- CHECK

New pair of shoes -- CHECK

ANOTHER new pair of shoes! -- CHECK

Day at the salon - hairapy and new fall color - CHECK

SEX with hubby- CHECK -- Double CHECK!!

Back on the crazy pills (aka Clo.m.id) -- CHECK!

Monday, October 15, 2007

My Man

It's hard to imagine that something good could come from infertility. But it has. This journey has led me to see what a wonderful husband I have.

I don't have the words to express how kind, caring, loving, and devoted he has been to me these past few months. I mean he was always great but recently he's been exceptional. Sometimes I feel as if I've won some award.

So, baby, thank you for all your love. For holding me when I sobbed, for bringing me tea in bed, for not letting me lift a finger, for carrying my massive purse when the ovaries hurt, for the back rubs, for telling me we will be parents, for still having me as "baby momma" in your phone, for waking up in the middle of the night to make sure I am sleeping, and for trusting me even when I am wrong.

I love you angel.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

So Wrong

How could I be so wrong.

That's what's most upsetting.

I really, honestly thought I was pregnant.

I am not one to hope or think this will work for me. For a long time I even doubted I would ever get pregnant.

To be so hopeful --to have convinced Harry

I am crushed

I don't know my body-- it lied to me.

My heart is so broken and now the miscarriage hurts all over again.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

F.R.E.D

I hate them

2nd pee stick- BFN

Last time (when I was pregnant for a day) I used a different brand. I don't remember what brand. I am done with F.R.E.D - FOREVER!

Monday, October 08, 2007

Today is Not That Day - Again

I didn't make it to Tuesday

I knew I should have waited. But my darling Harry bought some pee sticks.

And as I lay in bed at 4 am holding in my pee, Harry says,

"Please, go put us both out of your misery."

HPT - Negative

What if my body is misleading me. Can I be imagining all this?

11 dpIUI is very early - last time I tested 12 dpIUI and got the faintest positive.

My boobs feel like lead balloons and are very "hard".

We're a little disappointed but haven't lost all hope.

So I guess you could say...

To pee continued

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Just the Facts

Still crazy and pregnant (well I know I am crazy and I think I am pregnant).

I've never been more sure that I am pregnant. I always knew I'd know. I know my body. All those time I knew I wasn't pregnant but hoped I was. Now I know I am.

It's not so much that I am having symptoms but that I am not having PMS symptoms.

So, come with me, if you will, on a little journey. Let's review my 3 cycles.

IVF #1 - This is the first time I experienced killer cramps. I mean double over - this must be like labor (I know it's not really -humor me) - cramps. No other symptoms.

FET #1 - Well no cramps for FET #1 - but I am sure that was due to the PIO. I didn't get AF until a few days after I stopped the PIO. I also didn't have the backache and headache that I have now!

IUI#1 - Well IUI #1 had both pregnancy symptoms (headache and backache) as well as PMS symptoms (killer cramps).

IUI #2 - At 9 dpIUI NO PMS symptoms!!!

Holy moley!!

I am gonna PAOS on Tuesday.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

No Cramps

And that's a big deal.

Every cycle I get PMS cramps exactly 1 week before AF shows up. Like clock work.

The arrival of cramps have always signaled the end of the dream. Occasionally I'd try to fool myself that the cramps really didn't mean it was over--but I always knew it was over.

Well 1 week to go and so far NO CRAMPS!

So.... choo choo all aboard!

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Hop on Board the Crazy Train

I think I am pregnant.

I don't want to think I am pregnant -- but I do!

I've had this constant back ache for the past 3 days. Like nothing I've experienced before.

It's sorta painful -- not horrible but I am definitely uncomfortable.

I've had a slight headache off and on again as well.

So, get your ticket and hop on board the crazy train cause it's leaving the station!