Very slowly I am realizing that all my frosties are gone...
I am starting all over.
No guarantee of maybe babies frozen in time . . .
I can't believe none of them are my baby. . .
Not one . . .
Can I do this again...
What if IVF/ISCI #2 ends up the same way?
How much can one person take?
There is no more hope for the 12. They're all gone. I wonder what happened to my last three underachievers? How did they end? Were they treated with dignity? With respect? The potential for human life. Were they flushed down the sink with the technician's cold Starbucks? Did they know I believed in them? Did they know I loved them?
Why didn't I let them die in my womb? Why did they have to die in that cold dish?
My pastor says there is grace and forgiveness.
I am not worried about forgiveness.
I am worried about regret.