Thursday, February 23, 2012

Birth Day

Well she's here!!  My little miracle entered the world at 7:13 am on February 23.  It's so amazing to think I've made it through to a real live baby.  So many emotions and thoughts going through my head and heart.  There will be multiple posts about my emotions and journey to motherhood via pregnancy.  For now here's our birth story.

Birth Story

The Plan -(as if!)
At my 39 week appointment we decided to schedule an induction because my little girl was measuring big and I was already dilated 3 cm and effaced 80%.  I really wanted my OB so scheduling an induction made that possible.  We scheduled the induction for 2-22 and by all odds it should have gone very easy and without many complications.

Hubby and I arrived at the hospital at 6:30 am on Wednesday to start the process.  My parents and best friend were also there for the event.  The plan was simple - pitocin - break my water- pitocin - delivery.  But nothing really ever goes according to plan - does it.

I started pitocin at 7:30 am and had  my water broken around 8 am.  Around noon my doctor decided I wasn't making enough progress - well Zero progress - I was still 3 cm. She wanted to measure my contractions so I had a monitor inserted and a baby heart monitor inserted to check on baby.  Baby did great through the whole thing and was never in any danger.  Got my epidural and felt wonderful.  about 3 pm I was checked again and still had made NO PROGRESS so the OB brought up the thought of a c-section.  I was so against it.  After all I HAD a birth plan.  But really who was I kidding.  I had a conception plan - busted.  I had a pregnancy plan- busted.  Why would my birth plan be any different?

I begged to let us keep going.  My OB consented because the baby looked great.  She was in -3 position so the nurses were moving me every 20 minutes to get her to drop.  At 8 pm a nurse checked and I was 5 cm!! We were all so excited we thought FINALLY making some progress. Same nurse came back at 3 am and said baby had dropped to 0 position and I was 8 cm! We were so excited we thought I finally was going somewhere.  At about this time the epidural was wearing off.  It can only work for so long and because I was being moved all the time the contractions were getting really strong and coming quickly.  From 3 am - 6 am my hubby sat by my side holding my hand and coaching me through labor.  It was so hard and I was completely exhausted.  At 6 am I was checked and still at 8 cm and in so much pain.  I lost it.  I had a melt down and just the thought of more waiting and then having to push being this exhausted.... ugh it was rough! I asked to see the OB  she came in and I broke down in tears and asked for the c-section.  The began prepping me and pretty soon I was totally numb and happy!

The Birth
I was in the OR and my hubby was with me.  I started to get anxious realizing it was time to meet our little girl.  All day the thought of possible Downs had hung over me.  I told my OB - tell me as soon as you see her - let me know.

At 7:13 my little girl came into this world - and my OB pronounced, "A perfectly healthy little girl!"
I 'll never forget the look on my husbands face or the relief in my soul.  I heard her cry and lost it again.

They brought her over to me and I looked into her deep eyes and the whole world fell away. 

She is perfect.

She is alive.

She is here.

She is ours.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

36 Weeks = 9 months

I made it!!! I made it to the last month!

I am still sometimes completely amazed that I've made it this far.  So ready to meet my little girl!

I am feeling really, really pregnant now! Waddling and moaning as I walk around!  I have carpell tunnel Syndrome in both hands and now my shoulder hurts.

Everything seems to be progressing well.  Baby is head down and in position and I was 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced at my last OB appointment.  Doctor said I could have the baby tonight (which I obviously didn't) or go the rest of my 4 weeks.

So, I am back to symptom checking! This time for labor!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

30 Weeks

Hard to believe I've made it this far.

I can actually say I am starting to enjoy this pregnancy. 

My blood pressure has been great and I passed my glucose test.  My only real complaint is numbness in my hands and arms.  It comes and goes throughout the day.  I'll be happy when I can hold this little one in my arms!

Recently I saw a perinatologistIf you remember we had questions about the baby's development.  The doctor said everything looked good.  Of course he couldn't guarantee a chromosonally balanced baby.  And since we chose not to dot he amnio we'll have to wait for delivery.

My husband and I are at peace with out decision.  I really believe in my heart of hearts that this baby is wonderfully made and will be healthy.  Whatever happens she is mine.

So my due date is February 20.  Any bets on when this baby will arrive!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Forever Family

Last night a judge signed a piece of paper that makes our daughter ours legally.  She was ours from the moment she was created now she's ours forever....

A Poem for Adoption

Did not plant you,
But when
The season is done -
When the alternate
Prayers for sun
And for rain
Are counted -
When the pain
Of Weeding
And the pride
Of Watching
Are through -


I will hold you
A shining sheaf
Above the thousand
Seeds grown wild.

Not my planting,

But by heaven
My harvest
My own child.

-Carol Lynn Pearson

Monday, November 14, 2011


Today is my daughter's birthday.

A year ago she came into this world.  I wasn't there for her birth but know a few details from the police and hospital report.  We don't know where she was born but we know she wasn't born in a hospital. There was a lot of trauma around her birth and she had some minor bruising and a small hematoma.  Her umbilical cord wasn't clamped.  She was wrapped in some dirty rags, placed in a duffel bag and left in a parking lot.  I don't know if her birth mother cried when she saw my baby's face or if she kissed her good bye.  I don't know what circumstances her birth mother was under and I don't know why she made the choices she made.  But she made them. 

Shortly after her delivery and abandonment a good Samaritan saw the duffel bag in the parking lot and decided to look inside.  He found a cold, sweet little baby girl.  My baby girl.  The press caught onto her story and the news was flooded with details of her birth and discovery.  My husband and I were watching the news that night when her story aired.  They flashed a picture of her and as soon as I saw her I knew in my heart of hearts that she was my baby girl.  I said, out loud, "that's our baby."  I don't think my husband believed me.  Probably thought I was insane.  But the minute I saw her face I knew that God had worked all things to good.  That whatever tragedies she and I had been through it was time for us to meet- time for us to be together.  This is the child I prayed for.  The child I dreamed of.  She didn't arrive the way I had planned but the way God had foreseen - the way the Lord had predestined.  She was mine in every sense of the word.

On Tuesday night I received a call from our social worker, "We have a placement for you." 

On Wednesday she was placed into our arms.

On Thursday 11-18-10 - we brought her home. 

On Friday 11-18-11 we finalize the adoption and she is legally ours forever. 

Today is her first birthday.

She is remarkable.

She is brilliant.

She is beautiful.

She is my daughter.

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Still There

The "soft marker" on the heart is still there.  The fancy word for it is Echogenic intracardiac focus. 

I actually found a website that explains soft markers.

We are waiting for the official report from radiology before making any other decisions....

so here we are back in limbo...

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Another "Soft Marker"

I had another OB appointment last week.  I wasn't able to see my normal OB so I saw some other one in the practice. 

After shaking my hand he says, "Your ultra sound showed a thin cervix and andother "soft marker" for down syndrome."

Well HELLO to you too!  My cervix is fine - after and oh, so pleasant exam.  But the additional "soft marker" for downs scares me to death. So what do I do? I call my RE.  After all these years she's still the one I trust them must with my body and babies. I was giving second thought to an amnio but my RE advised against it.  She was gentle and very comforting (as usual). 

We have another OB and sono tomorrow morning.  We're looking for something on the heart.  The OB told me last week but of course in the rush of emotions I can't remember what he said they saw.  I know there isn't anything wrong with the baby's heart but something the radiologist saw points to downs. 

I am really torn up about this whole thing.  I am trying to think positive and not beat myself up over the whole situation.  I do blame myself at times.  If I hadn't pursued IVF ...if...if...if......

My husband has been great and is a comfort through all this.  He has a heart for special needs children and is so ready to love this baby no matter what the outcome.

I just read a blog of a women who's child was just diagnoises with downs.  None of the ultra sounds she had showed any "soft markers".  Should that terrify or comfort me?  I am not sure.

I'll fill you all in after our appointment tomorrow.