Anybody Out There?

I am not even sure if I still have readers. I've been so absent from the blogging world that I don't even know who's who anymore!

I originally started this blog as an out let for all the anger, sadness, frustrations, and disappoints that I was experiencing dealing with my infertility. Meeting other women in my shoes and sharing your stories were a life saver and really helped me at that time.

My journey has taken me on one wild ride. From wanting to conceive, to infertility treatments, to despair, to nothing, to foster/adoption, to motherhood, and now back to IVF.

ADOPTION
I am a woman of faith. And one of the hardest things about being infertile was dealing with my anger towards God. I was so absolutely furious that he would not deliver me from this infertility. It was a hard road to walk and many times I nearly walked away from God and faith altogether. I mad God the bad guy in this story. I really didn't want to pursue adoption for a million reason - #1 being I WAS going to get pregnant. It took years for God to change my heart and I give my husband all the credit for his loving patience in dealing with me and my stubbornness. In the spring of 2009 I finally agreed to "investigate" fostering to adoption. In November 2010 we brought our 3 day old daughter home from the hospital. On June 1 we will file the official adoption papers and hope to have things finalized by August.

I am a woman of faith - and I know that all the things I have been through have led me to where I am today. I could not see God's plan for me - I could not see that I would have my precious baby who needed me to be her mommy. God knew all this and even when I raged against him in tears and cries for mercy I know that he too cried with me. I have a great understanding of God's love and purpose in my life - a greater trust in his love and provision. We still marvel at this 6 month old little blessing and I know that even though I didn't carry her in my womb she was born in my heart the day I set foot on my journey to become a mom. She is mine and I am hers.

IVF 2.1
Before we knew we would be placed with a child my husband and I had decided that 2011 would be our last shot at infertility treatments. It seems crazy to have a 6 month old at home and trying to get pregnant - but call us crazy!

So on Sunday I began injections. It's a pretty simple protocol and a lot has changed in the 4 years since my last IVF. Our plan is for a 5 day transfer.

Are you there?
So if you're still out there I'd love to hear from you? Where are you in your journey? Please let me know!