Half Way There

On the pregnancy front:  Well folks - it's here - the 20 week mark!

We decided against the amnio in the end.  What will be will be.  We're hopeful but ready for whatever is in store. Thanks so much for your comments and thoughts on  my last post. They really were helpful and I appreciate everyone of them!

We did have our 2nd Trimester ultra sound and everything looked wonderful.  My OB was very happy.  Healthy heart, healthy kidneys, normal femur size, cute as a button nose - everything looks and points to a chromosomally balanced baby.  Oh, and by the way -- IT'S A GIRL!

One thing that is a little troubling to me is my placenta. It's still near my cervix.  We're going to have to monitor it and hope and pray that it moves!  I really did luck out with an OB who understands my neurosis and struggle with infertility.  She's always willing to take that extra step to reassure me or do what ever test I request.  She's a gem!

If I were to say I am a happy expectant mother I would be lying.  Everyday is a journey and a battle to trust that whatever outcome occurs I will be okay.  

On the adoption front:  Our little girl is nearly a year old! It's so hard to imagine our life without her! She's amazing.  Strangely, I feel even more connected to her now.  I can't imagine what her biological mother was going through (feelings, emotions, and thoughts) at 20 weeks pregnant.  Knowing my baby grew somewhere else is definitely surreal but it makes me love and cherish her all the more.  We're still waiting on that court date!!  Hopefully within the next 60 days.  I am so ready to get this thing finalized.

Sometimes in a brief moment of my darkest fears I imagine that I loose both of my girls.  It's brief and quickly squelched but still a remaining scar of my battle with infertility - you see this - this is what you can't have....