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Friday, April 18, 2008

Conditioned

One thing I don't think non-infertile people understand is how we infertiles are conditioned by our infertility.

Our experiences really do shape how we respond to and react to most anything else in the world.

Take for example, Harry's and my search for a home.

We began the process hopeful and excited. We brought our digital camera to all the houses we viewed. We took detailed pictures and extensive notes.

We found a house we loved! Put in a contract and guess what! BFN!

A little disappointed but we moved on...searching....

Found another house we liked... made an offer... someone beat us to it! BFN!

Soon the house searching became tedious and more of a chore than an adventure.

House #3 - BFN
House # 4 - short sale - waited 5 agonizing weeks for-- yep-- a BFN!!
House # 5 - BFN- comeback with more $$
House #6 - BFN
House # 7 - BFN

All our offers were rejected or countered with a much too high price tag for us. Some houses had already received a ratified contract the day we were making our offer. Each phone call from our realtor seemed very much like the phone call from the RE,

"Not this time, it just didn't work."

I knew it was bad when Harry said, "This feels like IVF/IUI all over again. It's like we're being told NO! again."

It seemed like a simple search for a home. With a market in the dumps surely we'd find a house we could call home. We never thought we'd have a single family home in Northern VA but dare we, dare we hope?

And you know what happens when you hope. She turns around and smacks you in the face.

"Ha, ha, take that you silly fools!"

Agonizing, heart breaking, depressing.

So conditioned to failure, so accustomed to heart break.

We understand the word "NO" all too well.

Until Wednesday. On Wednesday we got the phone call. We made an offer on Monday and on Wednesday offer #8 was accepted!!

We should be happy! We should be joyous! We finally made it!

Or have we? Conditioned.

We are terrified we'll loose our house. Silly? perhaps. But we're conditioned to loosing. Conditioned to failing. Conditioned to having the rug ripped out from underneath us.

I won't exhale until I have a RLH (real live house). Our due date (closing) is May 14. The day after Harry's birthday and 4 days before our EDD from our September loss.

Will May suck? It's still a waiting game.

9 comments:

gracechild said...

Good to hear from you again Jenny but not so good that you've been going through a new type of disappointment but you know what... there's a Yes at the end of this tunnel. Hang in there girl

Alice said...

I understand this so exactly. Infertility issues take all your confidence away. You just don't expect anything to work out after a while, or anyone to be nice, or any luck to come your way .... and of course is becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

I do hope things get easier.

Alice

B said...

Oh I do hope the house works out for you. You would think we'd get a break in other aspects of our life...but nope we get sent more crap to try our patience.

P.S if u are wondering who this is, its Becks at One Miracle Needed - moved blogs

amanda said...

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that everything works out with the house. Your closing date is a great one (it just so happens to be my bday) so hopefully everything will go off without a hitch.

Bea said...

How very, very true.

Good luck with the sale this time. Hope you make it all the way to a live, take-home... house. A proper, call-home house?

Bea

JJ said...

Ooo keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you, hun.
On a cheery note--I saw on B's comments that you have a Wii too! Shoot me an email, and we can be Wii buds ;)

JenniT said...

Hi Jenny,
It's so true what you say. Since we were diagnosed with a balanced translocation last year it affects everything we do. I haven't been able to find a job since I learned about my problem whereas it was alaways a breeze before so I really feel for you. I'm sure you'll find a house soon though.

I've created a survey about infertility. It's anonymous and it'll be interesting to see how others feel about their infertility including PGD. You can see the results after voting.

http://www.opiniondb.com/DoSurveyList.aspx?id=9fa77374-3372-4f35-883a-6117fa991d45

GLouise said...

Yes, I totally agree!! It still hangs with me a bit, even in the oddest situations!

the Babychaser: said...

Hi. I just found your blog, so I'm a little late. Did your closing go okay last week?

I totally agree with your thought -- that all of life is colored by our experience with infertility -- though I haven't had such a visceral demonstration as yours.

Of course, on another note, you've brought me comfort that maybe my home value hasn't dropped as much as I had worried. I'm in Maryland, right on the DC border.

Good luck with the move!