Monday, July 18, 2011

Revisiting Adoption vs. IVF

May years ago I wrote a post on the topic of adoption and infertility treatments. Now I sit hear years later and am going through the adoption process as well as pregnant from a successful IVF.

At the time I remember well meaning friends suggesting that I should "just adopt" because I was dealing with infertility.

Looking back I think the real pain comes not from the suggestion of the adoption but from the thought that the pain of my infertility could be relieved or cured simply by adopting.

My point of contention is when people find out you're having difficulty conceiving and assume "well just adopt". As if adoption is a cure for infertility - "oh your body isn't working correctly - you want a baby? - well just adopt! " I feel the same way when after a miscarriage well meaning people say, "We'll you can just have another one! You'll get pregnant again!" - NEITHER of these "reasons" erase the pain and hurt that come from infertility and miscarriage.

Adoption is a beautiful path to parenthood . Adoption is not an easy fix and not a cure for the pain and hurt that comes with infertility. Adoption it's self is often met with it's own share of heartbreak and hurdles. Some people wait years to even receive a placement and some couples never receive a permanent placement. Adoption in it's self is a journey that requires preparation and prayer.

I guess what I am getting at is that adoption and ART are two different paths - but equally as difficult and equally as valid a choice. But it is a choice for a couple to make.

I love both my children equally and would never change my journey for one second. All the bumps and bruises have made me the mom I am today. My struggles and pain are mine - and they help to make me the person I am today.


Anonymous said...

Awww I love this! So true! Adoption is not a quick fix to the heartbreak of infertility.

Sometimes said...

I just found your blog. Am in the process of losing my 2nd pregnancy - this time it was ectopic. Am devastated. So happy for you that you're pregnant.

Anonymous said...

Hi, I just found your blog on Google. You're right, adoption is not a cure for infertility. People suggest it to me all the time, and sometimes I even suggest it to my husband hoping it will mend our hearts but I know it won't. Great post and congrats on being pregnant!

Bea said...

Well said.


brooke Ef said...

Nice to see another viewpoint on adoption.