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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

IVF vs. Adoption

So, today I decided to start a blog. As you may see I've tried to get out 2 years in one day. There's lots more I'll have to say about the whole IVF process. So I am trying to post all the things that I've thought about and contemplated over the last two years. So my blog may seem a little sporadic.

I have a friend who is pro adoption. She is has had ovarian cancer and other reproductive problems for awhile now. At a young age she resigned herself to the fact that she may never conceive a child. For her, adoption is a her first chioce when it comes to becoming a parent. That is her choice. I think adoption is an awesome and fantastic things for couples who reach that decision together. But I am sick and tired of people saying, "Well there's always adoption" when I share my struggle with infertility. As if that will make all the pain and heart ache of infertility go away..."ADOPTION" Even knowing there is IVF doesn't numb the pain of not being able to conceive the good old fashion way.

Interestingly enough dh and I have always thought about adopting special needs children down the road. Dh has a passion and gift in working with special needs children. So when I get "There's always adoption" song I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I guess I can equate it to telling someone who had a miscarriage, "well you can have other babies". It's not other babies you want! It's the one who you lost.

Well adoption is still an option. It's not a last resort and by no means do I mean to sound as if adopted children are less valued than conceived children. It's a couple's personal decision. A decision for dh and I to make.

So that's what I have to say about that.

8 comments:

April said...

Your story sounds like a lot of women I've met through blogging. I think for me that was the greatest part about blogging, finding out that I wasn't alone.

I also have PCOS, and during the last injectible/IUI cycle that I was on, I also developed mild OHSS (the swollen ovary thing). If this doesn't work (which the doctors doubt it will) IVF will be our next step in March. If you have any questions at all, I - or one of the other numerous IVF bloggers would be happy to answer your questions.

I know it's frustrating to be here, but there's a huge community of support. I wish you the best in your journey to parenthood - no matter how the journey may go.

formerteacher said...

Welcome to blog-land, and thank you for reading and posting on my blog. Obviously since I had success, I am pro-IVF, which I never in a thousand years thought I would ever need or go through with. It's amazing what we'll go through to have a child!

IVF on paper was just so overwhelming to me! They told me the risks, that they told you, plus we had to decide what we would do with the left-over embryos should we DIE! I didn't foresee that coming at all! However, once we started the IVF process, things didn't seem so overwhelming anymore. The nurses/Re tell you all the time what you are to be doing based on your labwork and u/s. They don't expect this to come easily for you. ANd once you get into the flow of things, things get easier, even fun. Weird, I know. I still tell my husband that I will never forget the day the embryos were transferred into my body. I cannot even express how magical that day was. And being an IVF mom has its advantages: I have a picture of my son as 3 days past conception. How many people can say that! Plus, weekly ultrasounds to check the progress of the baby. I still have both of my sons' ultrasound pictures in my memory boxes. Most women don't get these early glimpses into their baby's lives.
So yes, infertility sucks. It just does, but you can do it, and you can succeed. For me, I had to do IVF, even if it was just to fail. I knew I had to be able to know that I tried everything. Then maybe I could move on to adoption.

Your insurance pays for 3 IVFs, so your chances are very good for success. The mock transfer was no big deal; I took a few Advil before I went in. You can do this! Oh, and the Follistim pen is awesome! I did injectibles/IUI first with the regular syringes, and I can tell you the pen is fabulous! I hardly felt a thing; I swear! And I gave ALL of my shots in my belly; no one can believe that. Is your RE going to put you on Progesterone injections or suppositories???
Keep us posted!

Anonymous said...

If people tell you to adopt, ask them if they have adopted. If they say "no" then ask "why not?" After all, people should practice what they preach.

I've had my share of hypocrites who try to put me on a guilt trip about "all those poor kids who need homes". If they feel that why, then WHY HAVEN'T THEY ADOPTED ANY??

I am not adopting, but I also don't go around preaching at others to adopt.

My husband and I do not feel obligated in any way to adopt children. In fact, even if our IVF fails, we would probably just remain childless.

Anonymous said...

Adoption is a choice - I should know having two beautiful adopted children, but I still mourn the fact that I couldn't have my own babies. I could not love my children more if they were my own, but entirely understand why people pursue IVF.

Anonymous said...

I am currently undergoing IVF treatment and it is not working so I have starting to loose hope. I am starting to considering adoption. My husband and I want to have children adopted or not. I think that everyone has their own personal opinion. Adoption may suit some rather than all.

I am adopted myself and it has taken me a while to come around to the adoption idea. I just want to have a family, but science obviously doesn't agree with me.

Beth and Dave said...

I know these comments were posted years ago, but I just came across this blog in a google search and wanted to express my opinion as well, since it differs from the others. My huband and I are infertile. We have a large MSA account that will pay for our IVF treatment... which we have acutally scheduled twice - in a sunny and warm beach location! But each time it didn't feel right - in fact, my body fought it with everything in me! Maybe the same way that adoption didn't feel right for other women who posted on this blog. For us, we now feel that adoption should be our first choice, and are pursuing that course. Our perspective is that we'd rather become parents to a child in need of parents than subject ourselves to risky and expensive medical treatments to - maybe - have a biological child. We believe that adoption can be as beautiful as birth. Each couple has to decide for themselves, and every answer will be different, but we wanted to give our perspective to this discussion as well. Best wishes to all parents making these hard and very personal decisions!

Sunny Jenny said...

Beth and Dave - thanks for your comments.

My point of contention is when people find you're having difficulty conceiving and assume "well just adopt". As if adoption is a cure for infertility - oh your body isn't working correctly - you want a baby? - well just adopt!

Adoption is a beautiful path to parenthood (and if you read any current posts you'll see that we are in the process of adopting our daughter). Adoption is not an easy fix and not a cure for the pain and hurt that comes with infertility. Adoption it's self is often met with it's own share of heartbreak and hurdles. Some people wait years to even receive a placement. Adoption in it's self is a journey that requires preparation and prayer.

I guess what I am getting at is that they are two different paths - but equally as difficult and equally as valid.

Good luck to all who are following whatever path they choose to become parents!

Sunny Jenny said...
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