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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Reflections

I am doing fine after the last two weeks of emotional torture.

I am moving on. Now that my hormones are back to normal I feel much better. Thanks for all the support and all the wishing on stars. It's so great to know I have a place where I can share my insanity and know I'll be understood. You're really all I got. No one knows my tortured heart like you all do. Thank you friends.

So, Harry and I were in bed enjoying our normal Saturday ritual. Harry makes a pot of tea on Saturday mornings and brings me a cup in bed and we cuddle and watch crapped Saturday morning TV. I know the ROMANCE! Well this Saturday Harry was flipping when I saw an egg being ISCIed.

"Stop!" I cried, "That's IVF"

Why oh why did I need to watch yet another news brief on IVF. This one was poignantly appropriate as it was about IVF and obese women. Yes my friend I said obese. It turns out that women who are obese, over weight, or just plain fat have a harder time of getting pregnant through IVF. The hormone imbalance from the fat makes it difficult for embryos transfers to implant. GREAT! Just what I needed to hear after my crappy week!

That sent me into a downward spiral. I don't think IVF is ever going to work. I am just feeling so totally helpless and hopeless right now. Our impending August cycle seems doomed even before it begins. Maybe I need to wait and loose more weight (I've lost 30 lbs).

Why can't I get pregnant?

I don't know if I should try in August or wait.

If I am not trying I know I'll never get pregnant. I am just not sure on what to do.

3 comments:

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

It's hard to know what to do. Congrats on losing 30 pounds though. That's awesome! You have a lot of time between now and August to work on your body if you feel like you need to. Keep your chin up my dear.

Beagle said...

A 30 lb weight loss is an amazing achievement!

I've read the stats too, on overweight and IVF, etc. But my RE insisted that it did not make much of a difference. I tend to agree. Just anecdotally, look around at all the HUGE people having babies without any help. Same thing with all the other things we obsess over while doing IVF: caffeine, etc. And stress, if that were such a big deal, then why are women getting pregnant in war zones etc?

I'm not saying health doesn't matter, but I'd say it matters more for how you feel than getting pregnant per se.

Good Luck with your decision!

Reproductive Jeans said...

Im sorry that you've had a rough few weeks...and I know what you mean by stopping to read or look at every thing that screams:IVF!!
Sounds like you have a lovely Saturday tradition--I love it!
And WAY TO GO on the 30lbs gone already! You will get to ALL your goals. Definitely thinking about you...