It seems unfair that after all the invasive poking and prodding of IVF tests and procedures that one would have to show up for her annual OBGYN exam.
Well I did.
It's been awhile since I remembered what the downstairs is really for so I'd put it from my mind.
I rarely gave the impending appointment much thought. Never thinking about what it would mean to be back in those stirrups.
It happened so fast...
There I was in the blue gown, naked, on the exam table waiting for the doctor to come in.
All this after the nurse had interrogated me...
last day of menses -- July 26
Pregnant -- no
sure -- yeah pretty sure
contraception - uh, no
Sitting and waiting. Trying desperately to convince myself that everything will be fine... that the annual is nothing like the other tests and procedures I've endured... I am ok.
Nice OBGYN comes into to room-- small talk...
Legs up and I can't breath
"Doctor, I thought I was going to be okay, but I don't think I can do this..."
"oh, no,"
It was that speculum. I hate that thing. It's like a rib spreader. It opens me wide - bares my soul - exposes my heart - makes me vulnerable. I am not protected.
I hate the speculum
I eventually did the exam and it was nothing. Quick and efficient. I have a great doctor.
just lying there with my feet in the stirrups I know I am not nearly ready to begin again. But I made it through the exam. That doesn't change how I feel.
I still hate the speculum.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
The Annual
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9 comments:
I'm with you on the speculum! It sends a shiver of fear down my spine just thinking about it. Good to hear that you survived
I hate the speculum too Jenny. I am glad that you made it through your appointment okay.
Aaaack! I totally agree with you! Oh, I just hate every aspect of "THE ANNUAL".
At least you made it thru the ordeal. Look at it this way, you wont have another one for a full year!!!
I agree about that speculum---UGH!!! You are really a good person. I haven't even made my annual appt. in almost 4 years. I know, I know, but like you said, after having everyone poking and prodding me with infertility, I needed to take a break. I still haven't been able to bring myself to make that damn appt. Too many bad memories.
Annual appointment? Now there's a concept.
Still, at least that's over for you.
And if you're not ready - well, I think that's just fine. It takes a lot to set yourself up for another round sometimes.
Bea
I am with you ont that nasty thing!
Glad you made it through your appt.
Take care
Yeah, I've been putting off my annual too for the past two years. In fact, I was rude to the last person who called me to remind me I needed it... basically nicely told her to fvck off. :)
For me, it's less about the speculum and more about the stirrups. I HATE stirrups.
Good for you for making it through it.
I feel so uncomfortable during the whole visit. Glad to hear that you made it through okay!
I am with you girl. I hate that damn thing. It's the damn clicking and pinching I hate.
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