Ominous Fortune

Harry and I took a few days off this week to go visit my nephew. He's 18 months now and the cutest thing! We had a great time and today we all went to a Chinese restaurant for lunch. and my fortune cookie read....

WHAT THE HECK DOES THIS MEAN????

My SIL nearly burst into tears. I refused to give any credence to this fortune. Yet, I picked it up and brought it all the way home. And here it is scanned and on my blog... torturing me.

Does it mean IVF isn't over yet? You have to try again, and again, and again?

or

Does it mean this cycle isn't over yet! Stick with the embryo burrowing into my uterus lining?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone shake a Magic 8 ball and let me know!

I am Rock Star!

Well I always knew that one! I've been tagged here so it's time to share the bling!

Becks - She's my 2ww English buddy! A brave girl going through IVF #2 she's relatively new to IVF. Fingers crossed for her!

Bea - A true veteran an inspiration! I can always count on Bea to provide quality information and support! She just got a positive BETA! So go congratulate her!

Beagle - After many, many ART cycles Beagle's decided to travel down the road of adoption! She's got her application in and is waiting for her baby to come home! She's a real trooper and I'd admire her courage and perseverance!

Jenny - My fellow name sake! We both started IVF #1 at the same time. Neither of us walked away with a BFP. But Jenny's FET #1 gave her the very beautiful Olivia! What a doll! She's enjoying motherhood and still feels the sting of IF. She's been there for me and still checks in.

Ms. Infertile - A new blogger I've just met. She's starting this journey.

I could go on and on! You're all fabulous!

Piece of Cake

We did our IUI this morning. It was a piece of cake!

Hubby did his thing here at home and then we drove over to the clinic.

Our RE RN met us there and reviewed the sample.

"This isn't your sperm" - she said.

"Yes it is" Harry protested

"This sperm looks great!" she exclaimed

We got to look at our swimmers under the microscope. The looked really good. A few of them were waving the Union Jack! They were swimming around and looked well formed.

Our RE RN was very impressed and think we have a shot.

I start 1 prom.etrium vaginally tomorrow evening.

I just have some minor cramping still and minor discomfort from ovulation. I've been in bed all day watching Harry Po.t.ter!

Now the 2ww begins!

Blessing in Disguise

That's what I am calling it. "What?" is my blessing you ask?

Well, it's my canceled IVF/ISCI#2 cycle!

I knew I was heading down this road when I only had 2 follicles on Monday. Today's scan shows 3. Not a good response.

My RE went the conservative route with my stims this time around. She wanted to avoid another massive over stimulation like we had from IVF #1.

Quality over quantity was the goal.

Well screw that!

We're converting to an IUI - to be done on Sunday.

"Now you know, you're chances aren't good" warns the RE RN

"Yes, I know, we have lousy sperm." I retort.

Well I was dragging my heals from the beginning -- didn't really want to undergo the ER and then there was the whole - second mortgage to freeze your embryos trauma.

So, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. That's my angle anyways.

I am ok, not too torn up. If this had happened at IVF #1 I would have been a wreck. Luckily experience has hardened my heart and given me a deeper perspective on life and infertility.

Fingers crossed!

Still Cooking

Not ready...

Raising the meds...

Return on Friday for update....

nothing is certain

An Update, Compliment, Question, and a Thank You

Update:
Well the girls are doing their job nicely.

I've got a few big ones and lots of little one gestating. RE wants to go a few more days. She thinks the trigger will be Wednesday with the retrieval on Friday.

Compliment:
I received the nicest compliment this morning.

Scene: legs in stirrups- wand inserted

RE: "You really seem to be approaching this differently"

translation: "You're not as obsessive, crazy, nuts-o, maniac, loony, and annoying this cycle"

ME: "really?"

RE: "Yeah, you seem calmer"

ME: "Well, maybe therapy is helping"

I wonder how bad I was before. Unfortunately my calmness is a symptom of heartbreak and pain. Having been through the wringer once I know what heartache lies around the corner.

Question:
My RE was going to put me on a new progesterone cream. I was very excited as the PIO are horribly painful and I hate the prom.etrium suppositories. As my longtime faithful readers may remember I did suppositories for IVF/ISCI #1 and had horrible cramping and started my period before my BETA. I never had any cramping with PIO and AF didn't arrive until after PIOs were discontinued.

Well the lovely insurance industry has disallowed my new cream! Jerks! So it's either PIO or suppositories. My RE seems to think that suppositories will be just fine-- but I am a little concerned. Here again lies my insanity.

Part of me wants to trust the doctor but another part of me is terrified the suppositories don't work. I am going to bring it up Wednesday for my final scan. Any thoughts or comments?

Thank You:
Many thanks to all my blogfriends! You've been so helpful and encouraging! You're a fantastic support system and I hope I can return the favor.

How Big Do Your Ovaries Get?

Today is day 5 of stims. I am doing ok. It's amazing how much this is like riding a bike. It comes so naturally!

I'd like to share few observations and then ask your opinion.

Observations

1. Gon.al F STINGS! Man that puppy burns when its injected! I much prefer folli.stim.

2. I feel like a mad scientists! Mixing all my meds at night and keeping it all straight is a challenge. My sharps box is already over flowing!

3. FETs are much easier -- that's probably a stupid observation but true non the less.

4. I forgot how much my ovaries can hurt - owie! I am already needing to lie down and pull at the Tyl.en.ol and heating pad!

5. Harry is the sweetest guy. He is so sweet always trying to make me feel better. I am getting the royal treatment! He did all the laundry this weekend and is waiting on me hand and foot! I have to live it up now without taking to much advantage of his sweet disposition!

Now to the question.

I am debating between a 3 day and 5 day transfer. What are your thoughts/experiences?

My thoughts are that if my embryos can make it 5 days in a dish then I am willing to give them a chance in my womb. So much hope and emotion goes into each transfer. Does anyone have any hard evidence for one verses the other. I know my RE is partial to 3 day transfers. At the most I've had a 12 cell transfer. Please let me know your thoughts.

Thanks for all the support! You all are so amazing!

On the Roller Coaster...

Many thanks to all the helpful comments on my last post. You are all so wonderful! Your help and words of comfort really helped me. I am feeling much better and going to make it. --I think ;P

Had my CD3 blood panel and sonogram today. Everything is fine. We begin g.onal F and men.opur on Thursday with monitoring on Monday. We're trying different drugs this time and a slightly different protocol. ER could be August 20 -23.

I feel like IVF/ISCI #1 was just a test run.

I really hope this is the one. No one wants to be stuck on this roller coaster!

Panic Attack

Today is CD 2

I am having a minor panic attack.

I just got off the phone with my RE RN to plan my next cycle.

For my next egg retrieval I will be under mild anesthesia.

I will be conscious.

Because of my size (i.e. I am fat) the anesthesiologists aren't comfortable knocking me all the way out.

I will be awake.

I will be sedated and "happy" and as my RN said,

"Even if you feel something you won't care."

Yeah, not words of real comfort.

So, I am freaking out. Terrified of another horrible ER despite my RE RN's assurance of,

"You'll be fine, you really will."

Not feeling so fine right now!

HELP! Can any of you out there tell me if you've been conscious during your ER and what they were like. Be honest.

I keep trying to talk myself down...

'It's only 15 minutes max'

'LABOR is going to be much more difficult'

'You'll be drugged!!'

I still don't know.

Is all this pain, stress, and financial debt worth another BFN? If I knew I had a BFP on the other side I'd be gliding through this whole thing. Heck, if I had one shred of hope that I'd have a baby on the other side I'd be ok.

But all this for a BFN. I don't know...