Monday, August 06, 2007

Panic Attack

Today is CD 2

I am having a minor panic attack.

I just got off the phone with my RE RN to plan my next cycle.

For my next egg retrieval I will be under mild anesthesia.

I will be conscious.

Because of my size (i.e. I am fat) the anesthesiologists aren't comfortable knocking me all the way out.

I will be awake.

I will be sedated and "happy" and as my RN said,

"Even if you feel something you won't care."

Yeah, not words of real comfort.

So, I am freaking out. Terrified of another horrible ER despite my RE RN's assurance of,

"You'll be fine, you really will."

Not feeling so fine right now!

HELP! Can any of you out there tell me if you've been conscious during your ER and what they were like. Be honest.

I keep trying to talk myself down...

'It's only 15 minutes max'

'LABOR is going to be much more difficult'

'You'll be drugged!!'

I still don't know.

Is all this pain, stress, and financial debt worth another BFN? If I knew I had a BFP on the other side I'd be gliding through this whole thing. Heck, if I had one shred of hope that I'd have a baby on the other side I'd be ok.

But all this for a BFN. I don't know...


Nina said...

Oh sweety. Your strategy to calm yourself down is good. For both my egg retreivals I was sedated but half-awake. I really didn't care what was going on. I was lying their babbling (as J told me) while they took out my eggs. I didn't feel a thing but didn't sleep either. You will manage, of course you will.

Now that I have read so much about labor I keep thinking at times that I was making a fuzz about the needles. I think about it as one panic attack at a time. You have been so brave before, you will be again. It will all be worth it, I am so sure of that.

Sending big hugs to you.

How are you holding up otherwise? I have everything so crossed for your cycle - lot's of hope.

Changing Expectations said...

I am not sure about the semi-awake ER, but I did do this with another procedure and it was fine.

Hoping that everything works out great! You will do fine.

Thinking about you and hoping that this cycle goes great!

andrea said...

Don't panic I had my retrieval while i was conscious and i was freaking like you. I think i messed up my cycle because i was so freakish. I felt a tiny bit and went "ah" and he stopped gave me more of whatever it was and i was told it works as quickly as 30seconds and they were right. Other than that one time (and i'm a little tender down there without him moving about) I felt nothing. The best part is that they put me in a chair (they walked me back to a lazy boy) and apparently (and i say apparently b/c i remember none of this) i was chatting with the embryologist who apparently told me all about the classes and grading of embryos and my dh said i asked lots of questions and i have no memory of it at all. The drugs i was given was 1 atavan and 1/2 hour later 1 more b/c i was so panicky, then they had me hooked to an iv drip in my hand with meds in it called versed which is a light sedative and Fentanyl which cuts the pain. Don't panic and if you can do some meditation to relax your body. It's so important to be calm this month for your best results. Best wishes to you -you really will be fine :)

Jules said...

I was awake during my 2nd EPU. The nurses & even my FS/RE had to tell me to shut up.

I preferred it actually. I was aware of what was going on, but couldn't feel a thing.

I wanted to be awake for my 3rd & 4th, but there was a different anaesthesiologist & she didn't let patients stay awake.

Good Luck

Bea said...

I may have just lost my comment. Briefly:

1. Message board people say sedation rather than GA is fine for EPU, but I can't verify it personally for you.

2. Hope you can reduce the stress of this cycle. Hope you find the success you want, but mostly hope you can make a decision you can be happy with, no matter how things turn out.

Stuff crossed for you...


Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Oh honey, I am sure that you will be fine. Hang in there. Hugs.

Alisa said...

I had "conscious sedation" for my D&C and I remember absolutely nothing...seriously...not a thing.

Becks said...

Hope all goes well and that the girls that have been through it have made you feel more at ease about retrieval.

Beagle said...

I also had the sedation for both my ER's and I don't remember a thing. Honestly, I felt more during my transfers (and those were no big deal either). Now the 2ww, that was painful! :-)